it's not you, it's me...

I promised the Bryan story was on it's way but that one will have to wait. Although it is getting rather lengthy. I'll have to get to it rather soon.



Right now... the Tyler update.



So it's currently Thursday evening. Thursday evenings for me are usually the same. I come home from work, pissed off that I've wasted yet another day, make dinner with Bill, start drinking (those two can be in either order) and then we go out in Durham with some friends because it's usually the only day of the week that both of us are home at the same time.



Well, this week was a bit different because dear Billiam has been super uber sick all week. Unlike last week where my week was endless in my going out and dinnering this week I've taken it rather easy, been home a lot more. I was the chauffeur to the hospital one day and the retriever of the ginger ale. Now these things haven't really put any strain on me but they are minor inconveniences. Thank you Bill.



Now Tuesday I had the greatest day ever. I got out of work early, my boss from my other job is on vacation, I had the most marvelous day planned out. Get up, get through these first 4 hours, go to the gallery, get that stuff done, go to the movies, run, go out to dinner. All of this was achieved marvelously. The weather was splendid. I went to the movies by myself for the first time ever which is actually mildly liberating. (like having a giant tv that's all yours..) My run was spectacular. I was overall in the greatest mood.



The minor speed bump: Tyler texted me. And he texted me like early on in the afternoon. The usual how's your day going blah blah blah then the question I've been dreading: do you want to go out to dinner with me Thursday? and then before I can counteract with an excuse and then we can go out to the bars afterward..



I can't be that person who just says no. I wish I was. Sometimes I really want to say it. I don't know what it is. Tyler is a really great guy. He does almost everything he says he's going to, he likes me more than I like him, I just feel like it's not worth the effort cause in all honesty I really don't feel anything for him. I went to go see He's just not that into you too and it was like o hello that's me with probably at this point too many guys. I always start off with intentions to be friends. Why can't the guys that you just want to make out with randomly be the guys that just randomly ONLY want to make out with you too? And not make it into anything more? On that note why can't the guys that I want more from want more from me too? (More from that later...)



So I text Bill for support, guidance and an excuse. He's none of the above. He tells me I should just be straight with him which I should be but that's going to be terrible. Instead I text him and tell him that Bill and I are going to do the usual. Make dinner at home, pregame and go out. Well that's all fine and glorious except for one thing. Tyler said that he's going to go out this Thursday too (aka tonight) and Bill told me he's having dinner with his dad and blowing Sean and I off. So now I know Tyler will likely text me tonight asking where I am and I'm going to have to either lie, tell him the truth that I'm home updating my blog or go out. I don't want to date. That's not true. I don't want to date him.




I wish there was an easier and less cliche way of saying it's not you it's me.